This afternoon while walking towards my bus stop, a woman in a long floral skirt came running up behind another woman, stopped her and said: “You have the most radiant, beautiful face I have ever seen. I just thought you should know”.
I couldn’t help but look at the bus timetable and roll my eyes in disgust. I could just tell that this woman was a hippy-dippy jerk and thought she would make this other woman’s day by saying something semi-sensual and creepy in a really loud voice. When really, all she was achieving was making everyone involved feel awkward.
I went about my very merry business and went and bought a two pack of bread rolls from Coles to use as garlic bread tonight and wandered back to my bus stop. I hadn’t eaten much all day and started nibbling on the end on one of the rolls when I noticed the hippy-dippy woman doing some no-bra Woodstock dancing and delighting in the fact that commuters were looking at her like maybe she’d just eaten her own puke.
Unfortunately, I made brief eye contact with her male companion, who approached me and said: Excuse me, I was wondering if you would like to share your bread with us?
Okay, what? Would I like to share my bread with you?
I remained silent and widened my eyes in a way that should have suggested: Are you kidding me? One step closer and I’ll kick you in your Scientology nutsack.
But instead he said: Your bread just looks so beautiful and it made us all so hungry.
I was so flabbergasted, that instead of saying “two bucks. downstairs. not on my watch, L. Ron Hubbard.” I handed over my bread roll.
Him: “That’s so beautifully kind of you. thankyou.”
The thing is, I was thinking that I didn’t really even need the second roll when I bought the packet. So if I was a nice, sharing person I would have gladly handed over the roll, thinking the universe had taken the roll away and given it to someone more hungry because the universe knew I was probably going to freeze it for six months and then throw it out and the universe taketh and the universe giveth and the universe makes beautiful skirts in floral patterns for the whole universe to discover the beauty of dance and the universe is watching us all and will feed us when we’re hungry.
But no, the majority of my thoughts are more like: I can’t believe I have to share the universe people I hate.
I made easter birds nests:
They needed more chocolate but still think they’re going to taste good.
Otherwise, Easter without the long weekend, family, pets and farm fucking sucks.
Today I had my hair cut by a straight man. I don’t like to think my mind runs on stereotypes, but I expected a male hairdresser to be gay. And I was looking forward to it because the place where I get my hair cut is kind of conservative and I usually come out looking like a cross between a librarian and a boring person.
Today I came out looking like my dad had sat me down on an upside down ice cream container, put a bowl on my head and got out the carving knife. This guy had such a huge ego and everytime he got his scissors out of his special hairdresser belt, he spun them around and made shooting sounds like a cowboy. A cowboy, y’all.
He also asked me incredulously how long it had been since I’d washed my hair. And when I asked if he could thin my (ridiculously) thick hair out, he told me he doesn’t like doing it because it creates “flyaways”. And then I paid him $70 for 15 minutes of work. That’s how much I get paid for a day. I had asked for a cute little Frenchy concave long bob, but I just got a straight normal long bob that looks like a pyramid of thick hair. Great!
Does anyone know of a good place to go that isn’t called: “We do your hair so you look like you’re ten years older than you really are and we also make fun actions and sounds with our scissors. Our scissors, y’all.”
I turned 22 last Saturday. It was such a lovely weekend. The night before, Julia, Joel and I went and saw Feist. She was super great and energetic and sexy and just bloody fantastic. I have to admit though, I didspend some time looking over at Brendan Cowell who was standing near us. He’s a bit dreamy as Tom in Love My Way. It was also hard not to notice drop dead gorgeous Rose Byrne standing next to him, who burnt a hole in my heart and hurt my retinas.
Joel (my version of Tom, except without that first season craziness and third season jerkiness) and I spent the morning of my birthday together having breakfast and hanging out in the park across the road drinking cola. He gave me some lovely perfume, make ups and a ring with a secret hidey hole to put all my things. Then mum and dad made their grand entrance with new pillows for me, a birthday cake, two bottles of bubbly and many hoogs. We ate lunch with Bne and Jooj, who gave me a subscription to Vanno Fair and the fug book (woot!) and then I had a nap.
That night we all (Brendan Cowell counldn’t make it) had dinner at the Courthouse in Newtown before going and seeing Weeeeen. They opened up with some of my favourite songs, including Mr Richard Smoker. Dean Ween is so much cuter than I remember. Had salt water not been pouring out my eyes and nose and had I not been sneezing every 20 seconds, I would have had a super great time. Oh the Weens, you love your guitar solos.
On Sunday, while the rest of the losers were at the cricket, Mum and I went a’wandering in Surry Hills. It was so nice to spend the whole day with her, looking at nice things, remembering things, eating things and laughing at things. It made me feel like I was at home
