Recently I became a wuss-etarian.
That means I’ve stopped eating meat, but I still eat fish because they don’t have eyelashes to make me feel bad about eating them. Since my decision three months ago I’ve slipped just a couple of times and eaten meatloaf, a quarter pounder and two sausages.
The best way I can explain my decision is: I just have too many feelings. Eating meat made me feel a little bit sad and guilty, especially because it was just so delicious. I’m a complicated woman, as J-man likes to say.
Here are some other things that make me feel the way I did when I ate a steak:
– Seeing old men alone and crossing the road.
– Spending the weekend doing nothing.
– Spending the weekend doing too much.
– Hearing a baby cry.
– Throwing away rotten food.
– Buying home brand products.
– Spending money on anything, including groceries or a doctor’s appointment.
– Seeing bus drivers working on weekend nights.
– Having long showers.
– Accidentally leaving the lights on.
– Napping in the daytime.
– Looking in pet shops.
– Walking away from pet shops.
– Watching reality TV.
– Leaving a really excellent concert.
– The kid in the robe in this Cuddly ad: