2012 was the year I learnt to pick up a shit sandwich and turn it into a Shake Shack mushroom burger, with extra cheese and crispy fries on the side.
That’s a terrible analogy, so let me explain. My professional life was turned upside down, but I ended the year with my dream job. My health became confusing, but I didn’t die (or even get sick) and it made us take out health cover so I now get a lame thrill when I hand over a measly $10 at the dentist. We got booted out of our apartment on the north shore, but ended up in an awesome converted horse stable in Balmain with a sweet garden and courtyard. My parents didn’t call me on my birthday and bought me cookware that J-man had actually asked for, so I’ve been lacing their food with arsenic ever since.
With all the weird stuff going on, it’s easy to forget we went to New York, took a ride in an Amish buggy, made new pals, experimented hardcore in the kitchen, and J-man formed a rap group.
So, here it is. The annual yearly review based on what I wrote in my red Moleskine diary. (Here’s 2011, a lazy 2010 version, and 2009)
This was one of the best nights I’ve had in Sydney. It was Sydney Festival’s Summer Sounds and we sat on a picnic rug in the Domain with a bunch of new and old friends. When it started pouring halfway through Mondo Cane, we packed up and went to a nearby apartment where we drank, listened to music and watched an electrical storm dance over the Botanic Gardens.
I should probably re-take this terrible photo. But learn something from me and Jesus and make good out of bad. This was the first of many days we celebrated J-man’s 30th birthday. He put on a rap show at Good God and performed alongside some of his favourite musicians. Only J-man could pull off something like that. My favourite part of this diary entry is “Donny Benet amp fell on my foot :(“. Am I the life of the party or what?
A few days later we were in New York (the third instalment of J-man’s 30th birthday). This was one of many, many days where NYC surprises you with unforgettable, unplanned, face-melting awesome wow. We went to see Judah Friedlander at the Comedy Cellar, which was amazing enough (he commented on J-man’s “giggle”). Then the lights stayed low and Louis CK came onstage for an impromptu 45-minute set. I mean, holy crap.
This was the day we moved from Crows Nest to Balmain. Our “girl-crazy removalists” were serious 24/7 perves. They were 18 at most and couldn’t believe their luck working 50 metres from a girls’ high school. One of them had butt problems and spent half an hour in our toilet at Crows Nest and then christened our toilet in Balmain. I texted my dad to ask if I should take an hour out of his pay, but ended up giving him a tip instead because I live by an “everyone poops” motto. Aside from the comedy, I get great satisfaction out of physical work (giggidy).
This was one of the best days I’ve ever spent with my mum. We went op-shopping in Orange, where she found me an amazing vintage winter coat with a fur collar (may the Easter Bunny rest). We ran into an old school friend of mine, who is living her dream of being an artist. Then we went to a really fun cooking class, where I ate meat. With the dead rabbit and cow, I did not earn my vegetarian badge that day. Have you tried living on lentils and pleather alone? Sheesh.
I loved getting my wisdom teeth out. The whole thing took about five minutes and I had very little pain when the numbness wore off. That didn’t stop me from milking it for all it was worth and forcing J-man to buy me chocolate Yogo and stroke my hair. Success!
We went to Wet ‘n’ Wild on the Gold Coast and I got to hold a little baby. Need I say more?
We went to see J-man’s aunt in a Christmas-themed community play. She was awesome. Then we had afternoon tea with J-man’s mum, grandma and aunt at a cafe in the city. It was the same place J-man and I used to meet our marriage celebrant to organise our wedding. It made me feel warm and fuzzy, and happy to have a wonderful extended family. Spew.
Other things that happened, as recorded in my diary:
“Saw PJ Harvey. Incredible. Wore black, disappeared into the shadows” – January 18
“No sleep in” – April 8
“Got letter terminating our lease. Went quite mental, actually” – May 2
“JEFFREY EUGENIDES!!!!!” (saw him at the City Recital Hall) – May 17
“Terrible hayfever. Shopping, baking, bad pie at the park” – June 24
“Met neighbour on the driveway while wearing embarrassing clothes” – July 3
“Bought a giant green poncho. Oops!” – July 14
“Joel came home late. Super snorey” – July 18
“Bought gold brogues!” – July 23
“Ate gross fruit salad.” – August 3
“Walked out of Momofuku” (All their bar snacks were meaty) – August 24.
“Talked to drunk dude on the bus. He tells me he’s David Bowie” – September 15
“Cheese platter at The Welcome Hotel. Watched telly” – September 30
“Scary movie night. North by Northwest and Cabin in the Woods” – October 6
“Ate spelt organic muffin!” – December 9