Poor Stevie

February 2013 archive

Free burrito

J-man likes to tell people he never gets hit on anymore because he “reeks of marriage”. I wouldn’t say he reeks of marriage: he is a dude who regularly stays out late without me (I like bed better than people), drinks and brews a lot of beer, and is a member of a naughty rap group that performs a song mentioning something called a “panty tsunami”.

On Saturday night, J-man offered to shout me dinner, dragged me from the couch and took me to see a band and get a burrito. He had been wanting to get a burrito since his birthday, when he went to a Mexican place in Surry Hills that helped him celebrate with a silly sombrero and a voucher for a free burrito. He was SUPER EXCITED about the free burrito and had mentioned it at least once everyday since Wednesday.

At the Mexi place, we had an exceptionally awkward encounter with the server.


Joel: Hi. Could I have a chicken burrito, please?

Man: (Typing)

Me: Could I have a bean burrito please?

Man: Hang on please (Typing). Okay, a chicken burrito and a beef burrito.

Joel: Could I please have that weird green drink?

Me: Sorry, I said a bean burrito. Thanks.

Man: Yep, a bean burrito. You guys want hot or mild salsa?

Joel: I’ll have hot, please.

Me: Could I just have mild, please?

Man: Yes, the beef burrito comes with mild.

Me: Sorry, I asked for a bean burrito.

Man: The bean burrito comes with hot salsa.

Me: Could I just have mild, please?

Man: (Typing) Hang on … yes.

Joel: Could I please have that weird green drink?

Me: And could I get a Coke?

Man: Sorry, hang on (typing) … yes.

But this is where things got GREAT, and J-man handed over his voucher. As he pulled it from his wallet and unfolded it, it looked suspicious – it was just one of the shop’s flyers with a scribble of black texta on it.

Joel: I’ve got a free burrito!

Man: A free burrito?

Joel: A free burrito!

Man: (Looking at the flyer) This is not a free burrito. This is just a girl’s name with “FB” written on it, as in Facebook.

Joel: (Looking at the flyer) So it’s not FB as in free burrito? Ooooh … Facebook! Haha!

Turns out a sombrero must look really good on J-man, and the waitress wanted to get a little of that hot salsa. We sat down at a table where J-man declared “I’VE STILL GOT IT!” And flexed his muscles.

Man: Hey, man. You forgot your weird green drink.