So my big two-one is coming up. You know, that birthday where people’s parents throw a massive party complete with catering, circus performers, a live rock band and a round the world ticket as a present? I figure, I’ve had a pretty hard life – I’ve never been to Paris, I haven’t seen Michael Jackson perform live, my parents never bought me a terrace house in Glebe like I asked them to and hey, I recently roughed it in Vietnam so I know what poverty is all about. I reckon I deserve a massive party plus some massive presents which I think you should organise.
So here is my official 21st birthday wish list:
1. The Vivienne Westwood ‘I am not a terrorist’ t-shirt but I would settle for the necklace.
2. Some Marc Jacobs flats.
3. A ticket to a Christian Dior fashion show in Paris.
4. A round the world trip. Here is where I would like to go – Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Japan, China, Russia, France, Germany, Greece, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Argentina, Mexico, Morocco and Dubbo.
5. A blank cheque.
6. A job at Vogue magazine, ring and ask for Anna she knows all about me.
7. A farkin’ terrace house in Glebe.
8. A tour around Versailles.
9. A stint in rehab.
10. A brown refurbished Kingswood.
If y’all don’t buy me at least one of these things, I’ll take all 6 of you off my friends list.